The art of small talk

You know that person at a party or event of some sort who's standing in the corner, not making eye contact and looking scared and like they would rather be anywhere else but there? The one you might take pity on and try to strike up a conversation with, only to find that they give you one word answers and seem painfully awkward and possibly a little simple? The one that makes you regret ever attempting to engage them in conversation at all and will make you think twice before ever doing it again? Yeah, that's me. Sorry. It's not that I don't want someone to talk to me, I would love it, and I really do appreciate the effort, it's just that I am incapable of making small talk. I can converse quite easily on a subject that interests me and that I feel confident about, I just can't do awkward chit chat. And it's always awkward with me. It's the talk about nothing much that trips me up, if only we could skip the getting to know you chat and just get down to the important stuff I'd be fine. Music? Of course! Reality television? No problem! Politics? Yes indeed, although I can get a little ranty so I wouldn't inflict that on just anyone.

I feel like there are unspoken rules when it comes to making conversation with strangers, and I'm so fearful of breaking them that I'd rather not take the risk. Oh, I'm sure it's easy when you're a confident conversationalist, but if you're someone like me who has no natural getting-to-know-you skills it's a minefield! I never feel comfortable asking personal questions, how can I know I'm not stepping over some invisible boundary? And I hate being asked questions about myself because I don't feel like I have anything much to say. Occasionally I attempt to pass myself off as enigmatic in the hope that will make me seem more interesting than I am, but the truth is I’m just not particularly interesting at all. So if I can’t ask them about themselves and I can’t talk to them about myself, what else is there? The weather can be covered pretty quickly, and once the stilted conversation about the actual event is out of the way I’m just lost. I also have a tendency to imagine an entire conversation in my head before the poor person even opens their mouth, so by the time they do actually speak I'm already terrified. I don't even want to mention the blushing, stammering and excessive perspiration. Really, who would want to talk to me in that state anyway?

It was my dream to be a witty conversationalist, someone who could charm a room with my fabulously entertaining anecdotes and sparkling personality, but I accept that I'm never going to be that person. That's okay, I'm actually pretty good at the conversation part with people I already know, even if it does take me a ridiculously long time to actually get to know them. And there are advantages to being the wallflower, mainly that after experiencing my non-party personality people rarely invite me to them anymore, which is just the way I like it!