Small Things

I am a very firm believer in getting my joy from the small things in life, because the big things will rarely do it. The big things, while often wonderful, can also be complicated, out of my control, and have huge consequences and ongoing issues. But the small pleasures are well within my grasp, and I love that something relatively small and simple can make me so happy. Yesterday I bought a new television, for example, and I think it‘s beautiful! It’s sleek and black and shiny and several times I’ve caught myself just looking at it. Not watching it, you understand, it’s not even turned on, just looking at how lovely it is and thinking how happy I am that I bought it. Sure I love the high-definition picture, new digital channels and superior sound quality, but mostly I just like that it’s there. It makes me stupidly happy, and I couldn’t be happier about that. There are several other small, seemingly unimportant things that fill me with joy. I have picked up a habit of gazing out the window for an unreasonably long time, not even looking at anything in particular. I think it’s a bit of a subconscious stalling practice as I often get the overwhelming urge to do it when I should be getting ready to go out or taking care of something important. But I find it incredibly relaxing and I get annoyed if I want to do it and can’t for some reason. And I like books, just not particularly challenging ones. I read for entertainment, so I don’t want to read something that requires too much concentration or is particularly harrowing or upsetting. I want to enjoy it and I really don’t want to have to think too hard, it reminds me too much of school. I have no problem admitting that my literary tastes are decidedly lowbrow, although I am faintly embarrassed when people associate working in a library with being somehow literary or scholarly, it does make me feel like a bit of a fraud. Much to my surprise, I’ve recently discovered I can really enjoy a game that involves virtually shooting people. I had no idea I even had it in me, but I‘m more than happy to spend many hours doing it. I love pottering around the house on the weekend, and can happily entertain myself for two days without once feeling the need to go out, although I do go a bit stir crazy after that. I love singing along to music as I’m driving - as long as I’m in the car alone. I love driving in general, although peak hour traffic can take some of the joy out of it. I love food shopping, even just mundane supermarket shopping is fun to me. I hate to be rushed, and will leisurely wander the isles checking things out, comparing brands and prices, and I’m the sucker who’ll always fall for the strategically placed impulse buy. I love buying CDs, even when it's often easier and cheaper to download. I love the ritual unwrapping, playing for the first time, reading the insert. Mostly I just love that I have so many small things that give me something to look forward to when the big things are getting me down. I think that makes me happiest of all.

You're the One For Me, Fatty

'You're the One for Me, Fatty' is a Morrissey song. It's a good one, I think, in that jangly, early Morrissey still-sounds-a-bit-like-The Smiths kind of way. It's just that, being a fatty myself, I'm not entirely sure whether I should be offended by it or not. Watching the video, it seems straightforward enough. It depicts a large lady who is clearly adored by the nice man, so far so good. But it also includes my biggest pet peeves when it comes to the depiction of fat people: she's eating constantly, AND she'll eat anything, apparently, including the flowers at the picnic even though there's plenty of actual food to eat. This happens a lot on television, I've noticed. You know, that fat person so desperate for food that they'll eat the potpourri, plastic fruit, or food from someone else's plate. Otherwise we won't know they're fat, presumably. Although considering that the "fat" person on these shows is often just a normal sized person who looks fat compared to the other actors, maybe they feel that it needs to be more obvious.

I'm not offended by the word "fatty", either, although it's taken me a long time to get to a place where I'm comfortable with it. I was an overweight child and teenager before being an overweight adult, so I've been subjected to my fair share of "fatty" type insults over the years. It's also taken me a long time to get over the idea that being fat is all people see in me. I always assumed it was the first thing they'd notice, which is probably true, although that's not necessarily as negative as I imagine it to be. It's one of the great things about the internet - here, no one can see you're fat. Unless you tell them. Bugger. Anyway, for a long time I was incredibly self-conscious about it, and still am to some extent, but somewhere around 30 I decided to get over it and just get on with my life. Now I try to just be myself (which is shy, timid and awkward, mostly) and if someone is going to like or dislike me, judge me or otherwise think negatively of me based solely on my weight then there isn't much I can do about that. If it's not that it would probably be something else, anyway. At least this way I don’t have to spend time with the kinds of people who would judge me, or others, in that way.

So should I just assume that Morrissey’s saying that you can fall in love with anyone, whatever size or shape they are? Or maybe he really is saying that it’s hilarious that someone would actually be in love with a “fatty”? Or it’s entirely possible that I’m just too personally invested in the subject matter to ever really look at it objectively at all. Here’s the video (or at least a link to it, I couldn’t find one on YouTube that would allow me to embed it, unfortunately), make up your own mind. Although having watched it several times now, I’ve decided that the song doesn’t offend me nearly as much as Morrissey’s day-glo orange shirt does!

You're the One for Me, Fatty