Demographically challenged

I stupidly forgot to charge my iPod over the weekend so was forced to spend the drive to and from work yesterday listening to the radio, and it was a very painful reminder of why I gave it up in the first place. The annoyance of having to constantly change stations in the hope of finding something worth listening to was almost unbearable. If I had to do it more often I think I'd just learn to appreciate silence instead. I'm disappointed to know that there is still no radio station in Sydney I would want to listen to for more than a few minutes at a time. I understand demographics are a very broad way to categorise a potential audience, but what happens when you don’t fit into your demographic? Or any demographic, for that matter? As a 40 year old woman I seem to be relegated to the “greatest hits” stations. I don’t mind a bit of that, I can appreciate a cheesy 80s power ballad as much as the next person, and the private confines of my car are a great place to belt out a chorus of Livin' on a Prayer. I don’t even mind a bit of Rick Astley or Soft Cell, but I didn’t want to listen to Cold Chisel the first time around, and I’m not about to start now. I understand the nostalgic appeal of those stations, but at what point are you supposed to stop caring about new music and resign yourself to only listening to the music that was around in your younger, presumably more fun-filled years? It doesn’t help that my taste has never really been particularly mainstream anyway, so my idea of “classic hits” don’t usually make it onto their playlists. The top 40 stations don't work for me either. I'm so out of the loop popular-music wise that I have no idea what's even in the top 40 these days, and from what I've heard I have no real interest in finding out. Although it was vaguely interesting to hear music by some of those people I've only ever seen pictures of in magazines. And why do all commercial stations apparently feel they need "wacky" breakfast teams to entertain the masses? I don't particularly want to hear their contrived, obnoxious and not particularly funny anecdotes. I can't even imagine choosing to listen to the frighteningly conservative talk back show alternatives on AM radio. I was forced to listen to one of these shows the last time I was in a taxi and spent the entire trip resisting the urge to yell obscenities at the people who called in, not to mention the equally appalling host. I don't want to know these people exist, let alone listen to them spouting their ignorant, bigoted opinions on the radio. Talking in general on the radio doesn't appeal while driving anyway, even the very few decent, interesting talk shows. Oh, and do commercial stations get together and decide to play ads simultaneously?! Because they all seemed to be playing at the same time, making flicking between stations even more useless. Even the alternative stations that used to make up the bulk of my radio listening back in the day don't hold my interest like they used to. So where do I belong in the radio listening demographic? I feel too old for popular music, too liberal for AM talk back, too alternative for greatest hits and too uncool for alternative. I guess it leaves me with the internet, an iPod and a soon to be purchased in-car charger.

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to

I don't like to think of myself as overly emotional, but in reality I do actually cry very easily at the most ridiculous things. It's annoying, frustrating and occasionally embarrassing, but I've yet to figure out how to stop it happening. It’s not that I think crying is bad, on the contrary, I think it’s a great way to get out pent up emotions, as long as I’m alone, or at least with people that I know and trust and not making a public spectacle of myself. Of course there are many valid reasons to cry, it’s the not so valid ones that bother me. I can be ridiculously sentimental, and sometimes just thinking of something touching will have me fighting back tears. And sad songs make me cry. Not all of them, and not all the time, but in the right frame of mind they can really set me off. Tank Park Salute by Billy Bragg almost always does it. If I have it on in the background or I don’t pay close attention to the lyrics, it’s okay, but if I let myself get caught up in it I can‘t avoid getting a little teary. Of course my taste in music leans toward the melancholy anyway, so I’m not doing myself any favours. I was talking to a friend’s 16 year old son about music the other day and he referred to most of the bands I mentioned as “sad British music”. I think that’s a great description, but I’m pretty sure he meant it as a bad thing. I love music that can alter my mood and take me away from whatever’s going on at the time, even if it’s only for a few minutes, and sad songs in particular can be excellent fuel for a nice bit of wallowing. Sad movies, on the other hand, I avoid like the plague. It's not that I don't think that a sad movie can be wonderful, some of the best I’ve seen have left me in floods of tears, (shamefully, I will also fall for the really obvious, manufactured to be “sad” movies, which just leaves me feeling stupid for being so easily manipulated) I’m just reluctant to watch something that I know will upset me; I have real life for that. I want my movies to be enjoyable escapism, they should cheer me up not leave me feeling worse. While I will happily listen to sad songs, part of the appeal is that they’re over very quickly, but if I’m expecting something sad to happen in a movie I won’t be able to enjoy it anyway because I’m waiting for the sadness to kick in and then trying desperately not to cry, which only  makes it worse. Although I don’t always have the luxury of prior warning, so I have seen some very weepy movies in my time. For me, the saddest ever was The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. I saw it many years ago, when they would still show old movies overnight instead of infomercials, and I happened to catch it in the very early hours of the morning. If I had known anything at all about it I would never have watched it, but I got caught up and by the end I was sobbing. The thing is, part of me would really like to watch it again because I still think about it occasionally and would like to see if it matches my memory of it. But I couldn’t possibly sit through the sadness again, and I know I would be crying long before the really sad part even makes it to the screen.

The thing that frustrates me the most about my weepiness is that I can’t ever really get angry - I just get teary. I can never make a forceful complaint or be outraged without becoming ridiculously emotional and eventually incoherent, so I’ve trained myself not to bother and just seethe quietly instead. Although later on, when I'm replaying the incident, I really give it to them. No one would want to mess with the forthright, no nonsense imaginary me, let me tell you! Sadly for me she only exists inside my head.