And Now for Something Completely Different

Well, maybe not completely different, but a bit of a departure from the usual ranty blog, anyway. I’ve been feeling a bit inspired lately by the 1000 Awesome Things blog. It’s a nice reminder that while a lot of things suck, there are also a lot of things that don’t. And of course like sucking, everyone’s version of awesome is going to be different. So, even though positivity doesn’t come naturally to me, and I do oddly enjoy writing about my faults and issues, it’s been nice to concentrate on some of the things that make me happy, too:

Autumn. My favourite time of the year; beautiful sunshiny days and cool nights. Yesterday I even got my winter woolies out, which was ridiculously exciting. And it’s wonderfully ironic that while I love the arrival of official hibernating weather, I’m also much more inclined to spend time outdoors in autumn and winter.

Kindred spirits. There’s a particular kind of comfort around those people who just “get” you. The ones who never make you feel judged or criticised. Who’ll patiently listen to you whinge about the most ridiculous things and get worked up right along with you. The ones you might not see for ages, but will fall back into the same comfortable conversations with like you’d spoken to them yesterday. The ones you can laugh with until your stomach aches and you’re genuinely afraid you’re going to wet yourself. The ones you just feel lucky to know at all.

Watching Toy Story with my nephew. Kids know how to really enjoy things, don’t they? It’ doesn’t matter that he’s seen it dozens of times, and it doesn’t matter that he knows the dialogue by heart. He still loves every minute of it. He gets excited and laughs uproariously, and it’s impossible not to love it along with him.

Coming home. Just walking in the door makes me feel safe and comfortable, in a way that I never really feel anywhere else. I’ve only recently learned to appreciate just how lucky I am to have that. No matter what’s happened elsewhere, how crap my day may have been or how bad I might be feeling, coming home always makes me feel better, even if it‘s only because I can finally be miserable in peace.

The internet. I feel like this goes without saying, seeing as this is where we are, but I bloody love the internet! I tried to fight it for a long time, feeling like I was unreasonably addicted and I should be spending my time and money more wisely, but you know what? I don’t care anymore. It’s entertaining, informative and social - particularly since it allows me to socialise without leaving the house. Or changing out of my pyjamas, even. I turn it on first thing in the morning and turn it off last thing at night. Sometimes I don’t even bother to turn it off at all. I barely remember what life was like without it, but it definitely wasn’t as good.

See, now writing that did actually make me feel happier! Although now I’m a little worried that it comes across as even more self-indulgent than usual. Which is also good in an odd sort of way, seeing as too much positivity makes me nervous. Awesome.

The Cynical Optimist

For a long time I considered myself a pessimist, or I guess I really just assumed I was. It seemed to suit my quiet, outwardly miserable and occasionally surly nature. It’s only in the last few years that I’ve come to realise I’m not really a pessimist at all. I rarely expect the worst, and I’m often hopeful of a positive outcome. I think people are basically good, even when they annoy the hell out of me. I don’t know that the glass is necessarily half-full, but I don’t think it’s half-empty, either. It can be either, depending on the situation and the liquid involved; sometimes half is more than enough. I am, however, often accused of being a cynic. Cynical is bad. It’s negative. We like positive. Positive is good. Even if you have to fake it. So I don’t blindly accept things, or people, at face value. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, particularly when you consider how many people do believe in “faking it“. Whatever “it” is. Just because I don’t immediately jump on a bandwagon doesn’t mean I don‘t like the bandwagon, it just means I feel that I need proof and personal experience before making a final decision about it. If that makes me a cynic then I’m okay with that. However I do understand that it’s not always much fun to be around, and I try to keep it to a minimum whenever I can. No one likes a killjoy, and it’s no fun to burst someone’s bubble.

Here’s the thing that drives my cynicism, and I know not everyone is going to agree, but I’m going to put it out there anyway: a lot of things suck. They do. Just because we don’t necessarily agree on what sucks and what doesn’t, doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of sucking going on. It's just that my suck might be someone else’s awesome, and vice-versa. And you know what else? There’s a lot of bullshit out there. A LOT. You only have to spend five minutes on the internet to know that. Unfortunately I do believe that I am burdened with an excellent bullshit meter. I can smell it coming from a mile away. I say unfortunately because I don’t necessarily like that about myself. Sometimes it’s nice just to believe something because it makes you feel good instead of seeing it for what it really is. A little delusion can be lovely. Now, again, just because I think something is bullshit doesn’t mean that I think everyone should agree. I am a big believer in live and let live. Or suck and let suck, if you prefer. I don’t want everyone to think like me or like what I like. I love that we’re different. I appreciate the cheery, happy, non-cynical people (even if I don’t necessarily want to spend too much time around them) as much as I enjoy being around my fellow cynics. We work in harmony and balance each other out. And if that’s not positive and optimistic then I don’t know what is.