Un-relaxation

So I went away this past weekend, and it was lovely. We stayed in a beautiful house and I spent lots of quality time with my gorgeous niece and nephew, which I love. And it was very relaxing, which I also love. But it also helped confirm something that I’ve suspected for a while: I’m really bad at going on holiday. I think the main problem lies in the fact that I don’t actually need to relax. I’m very good at relaxing, I‘ve had lots of practice, and I have no need to “get away” from my usual life to do it. I don’t have a stressful job or difficult home life, and I’m pretty content with my day to day activities. Going on the kind of holiday where I sit in a nice house or fancy hotel always seems like a great idea, but great location and company aside, I‘ve decided that it‘s just not the right kind of holiday for me anymore. For a start there’s usually no internet access, or if there is it comes at a premium price. I’ve long given up on feeling guilty for the amount of time I spend online. Why would I deprive myself of something I enjoy so much just because it might seem a little unsociable? Especially considering I’m generally unsociable by nature anyway. Still, I think I subconsciously feel that I need to be punished for my internet interest and I must take any opportunity to go without. Which I suppose isn’t so bad in theory, but the internet is responsible for the vast majority of my entertainment these days, so without it I‘m relegated to whatever‘s on TV or in magazines and newspapers. I would add books, which is normally a great way to pass the time, but I just don‘t read anywhere near as much as I used to, unfortunately. (I suspect the internet is partly to blame for that, too.) I’m also a creature of habit, and I don’t much like leaving my comfort zone. It only takes a lumpy bed or an unruly shower to remind me why being wherever I am is not as good as being at home.

This revelation isn’t all bad, however. I have decided that I just need to take holidays where I actually do things, go places and see stuff. In other words, I need an un-relaxing holiday. I need the kind of holiday that I come home from feeling like I need a holiday to recover from it. I haven’t had one in years, due mostly to financial constraints and increasing laziness as I amble towards middle age. I need to get out and do things more in general, and if I’m going to take the time, energy and expense to travel somewhere, I think it’s time I actually started doing things when I get there. Not that I'll be doing anything too exciting considering I’m probably the least adventurous person you’ll ever meet. My idea of roughing it is staying in a three star hotel, and even that’s pushing my comfort levels. And I’m certainly not the outdoorsy type, so I‘m not going to be climbing mountains or exploring oceans. The aforementioned laziness doesn’t help, either. Regardless of all that, I’m determined that the next time I actually go somewhere on holiday it’s going to be as un-relaxing as possible...without heading too far out of my comfort zone, naturally. Or at least I’m going to spend as much time out of the hotel/house than I do in it, even if it‘s just to wander around shops, visit tourist attractions and sit in restaurants. I have considered the alternative option of just getting a more stressful life to make the relaxing seem more worthwhile, but the un-relaxation method seems like a lot less effort.