Compliments are nice. In fact I would say they're one of my all time favourite things. What's not to like about a compliment? I like to give them at every opportunity, but I do have the very strict rule that they must always be sincere. Always. Otherwise what's the point? Sure, sometimes it's tempting to say something nice just to be kind (kindness is also one of my favourite things), but it's really not the same if it's not genuine. I do worry about coming across as insincere though, so I will sometimes stop myself from being overly complimentary if I think it's going to sound over the top, which I think is a bit of a shame, but necessary to avoid sounding like a zealous freak. Although conversely, being the ridiculous over thinker that I am, I have occasionally missed the opportunity to compliment because I've spent far too long considering whether I should or not. These days I will most often go with when in doubt, say it anyway. I also try to gauge the compliment taking ability of the recipient before jumping in if I can. I might try to ease it into the conversation rather than just saying it outright if I know they don't necessarily feel comfortable with compliments. I understand that, I'm not particularly good at accepting them myself, so I find a gentle approach works best in these cases. Whereas other people just love to be told they're awesome, which is fine and makes complimenting them much easier, although admittedly not as satisfying in the long run.
Of course not all compliments are created equal. I'm sure we've all been on the receiving end of the backhanded compliment at one time or another. Being a life-long fat girl, I have often heard the clichéd backhanded compliment of "you have such a pretty face". Most people would preface this with "I just have to tell you" and an air of exasperation, like they know I'm not going to like it, but they just have to say it anyway. "I just have to tell you, you have such a pretty face...", with the unspoken "...if only" part pointedly left out. Er, thanks, I guess. Then there are the not quite compliments. I don't understand the point of those, either. It's when someone says something like "you've had your hair cut" and leave it at that. Or "is that a new shirt?", then nothing. To me this always seems like a thinly veiled insult. Oh sure, they don't actually say something insulting, but the lack of a compliment implies something less than positive. If you go to the trouble of mentioning it, then surely the obvious thing to do is to say something nice about it. If you don't intend to say something nice, then I assume the obvious thing would be to not say anything at all. But maybe that's just me. There's also the third party compliment, which I've come across a lot. This is where someone won't compliment you personally, but will speak highly of you to someone else, presumably knowing that it will get back to you. I've had this happen to me with people who have been downright cold to my face, but glowingly complimentary about me to someone else. It's still a compliment, I guess, but it does seem like a slightly odd way to go about it. The thing is, I'm not saying we should all go around profusely complimenting each other, or even looking for things to compliment each other on, but if I notice something that I like about someone then I'm just going to say it. By the way, I'm very impressed that you've read this far. No, seriously, most people wouldn't bother. I think that shows an admirable level of kindness and decency that clearly makes you a wonderful person. Cheers!
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